Gratitude turns what we have into enough - Aesop
I think we can agree that cultivating a posture of gratitude and thankfulness is important. Also, science supports the fact that it is good for our mental and physical well-being. That said, where is the disconnect between agreement and application?
When I take a pause to think about my life, I could go on and on about the ways that God has blessed and kept me. 2019 marks the 10-year anniversary of being cancer-free. I have a family that has loved and supported me every day of my life. They hold me down and lift me up in ways I can’t even begin to articulate. My best friend and I have seen each other through every ebb and flow of life from teenage romances to marriage and babies since we bonded over a burger at the age of 15. I have a group of friends (whom I’ve affectionately dubbed framily) that are second to none. From that framily came my creative alliance with Drea. And together, we built Spin the Bottle. Most recently I met the man who turned out to be my future husband. We got engaged last month. Even as I type that sentence it feels both euphoric and foreign. I’m still in the phase where I look at my ring and marvel at what it signifies for me. He is the most unexpected and beautiful surprise of my life. I am healthy. I am happy. I am loved. I have a million reasons to be grateful. End of story. Right? Not so much.
Although I’m very clear that I should be emphasizing an attitude of gratitude into my daily life, more often than not I miss the mark. I forget the big picture and instead focus on myself and the minute inconsequential things that bug me. Things that I want. Things that could be better. Yesterday, I was frustrated about the fact that my hair isn’t growing as fast as I’d like. Especially given all the money I’m spending on quality products. I still need to lose 20 lbs. Okay, 25. I’d like to be saving more money, but life. I’d like to be doing more, but my budget. Trump is in office. Global warming. Police brutality. Sallie Mae. Group Chats. Also, I’m still back and forth between whether or not I should go vegan, keto, or HFLC. And just like that, gratitude is out the window.
Why?
The issue here is not ingratitude. There is a far more insidious culprit at play which goes by the name of inattention. Where ingratitude yells “It’s not enough. I want more!”, inattention whispers “We will get to that once we arrive and aren’t so busy.” It’s the difference between a petulant toddler and a master manipulator. Without a deliberate practice of cultivating and expressing gratitude regularly, we spend our days in a flurry, waiting to pause until we finally get “there”. Never mind that desire when left unchecked is insatiable. Or that right now, at this very moment, your life and mine are someone else’s wildest dream. It’s not a lack of accomplishments or resources that impede my overall well-being; it’s a lack of purposeful and dedicated time to practice gratitude. I know what to do; the challenge is in executing consistently.
Yesterday, while on vacation in Mexico, I began what I hope will be a standing practice of journaling the things I am grateful for. While I sat out on the balcony to look at the ocean while writing, a tropical storm rolled in and literally rained on my parade. There was actually some thunder and lightning too. Initially, I was upset for two reasons. First, there was rain on my journal which made the ink smear. For someone with OCD tendencies, this is a problem. Second, I had planned to tan all day. Rather than rip the page out of my journal and write the whole entry again, or lament about the fact that the rain was ruining my plan to get a couple clicks closer to caramel, I took a different approach. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and continued my journaling … in the rain. The last sentence simply said “I am grateful for magnificent storms. They water the seeds that bring forth new blooms.” My life is both beautiful and under construction. The older I get, the more comfortable I become with that dichotomy.
Today, the sun is out as if there never was a storm. I’m tanning and remembering that at this moment with ALL of my shortcomings…that I am grateful; just as I was yesterday in the rain. And although it’s a subtle shift, I can hear gratitude reminding me that it is enough.
To hear Drea + I pontificate on Gratitude a bit more…check out Episode 53 this Friday, November 22nd.